think i had sub-consciously made a decision but i'm still not very sure what's that decision. this is the second third time i cried on my way home. i asked myself where are my friends? then i realised they are busy wuth projects. time seems to pass by so slowly in school. my class is no longer a place called mine but theirs. friends are also no longer mine but theirs. classmates started to backstabe and give verbal attacks. when will it end i don't care. all i wanna do is run away. think it's best for me to be alone. anyway loneliness is my best friend. went to look for kai boon for help. didn't help much but i felt better saying it out. i don't wanna give up but i'm too wounded to carry on. my body and mind is no longer mine to control. everything seems so uncontrollable. my path ahead me is so dark, i can't see. all i wanna do is stop at where i am now. i am too tired to continue. my heart aches but i feel like laughing. am i going crazy or is this a nervous breakdown? sometimes i feel like taking a knife to cut myself. maybe this will make my heart ache less. 0r should i just find a easy way t0 die then i will be suffering this much.